Here’s a little lesson, Desiree don’t stress ’em.
I’ll never forget freshmen year of high school on the cheer bus on the way to a basketball game shorty called me to the back of the bus to “talk.” Shorty was the girl who my boyfriend was “talking to” before we started “going out” and who didn’t let it go once we did. Now, I won’t put it all on her being delusional because he had to still be giving her attention for the way that her and her cousin (who he later told me he smashed after we broke up) to be soo bothered by our relationship. Anyways, she proceeded to tell me how much he sucked and how she was over him and how I could have him. I said nothing except, “okay,” and went back to my seat. Why? Because we were already back together. Why didn’t I feel the need to tell her that? In retrospect, that would have been so satisfying. Going 30 with all the petty hoes throughout high school (those two weren’t the only ones) would have been even more satisfying. But to be honest I didn’t even care enough at the time because he was MY boyfriend. I had nothing to prove to her and nothing to say to her. She had to have been alone on that Valentine’s Day when he was with me and asked me back out. She had to be the one up all day and night thinking about him and being hurt or whatever and talking about it with her girls until she decided she was gonna be over it and I could have him.
I guess I realized early on you gotta let people be in their space or be miserable, hating, trying to provoke you etc cause if you winning you winning. No need to bring yourself to the level they’re on and waste energy on dumb s— like men who end up with a whole new girl in the end.
I’ve been unbothered since way before we called it that.
The last time I had boy drama was a few years ago over my old college lover who had an active hometown ex (or maybe she was secretly still his girlfriend.) He also had many other tings around, but she was the only one who wanted to get something started with me. I can’t even get into everything that went down because there’s so much that I would probably leave out juicy details. Like I don’t think I even remember everything. To fast forward and make a long story short, she ended up sliding in my DM “as a woman” once she realized Twitter mentions like “ask him, how my —– taste” and texting my best friend thinking it was me wasn’t the way to get a response from me. Yes, she text my best friend. I think she saw “Desi Best Friend” in his contacts and thought it was me. She tried it!
I was over it so I spilled the beans from beginning to end and of course he had been lying to all parties involved. FYI if most of what he says about his ex girls is down talk on them (accompanied with uplifting you) or about how crazy they are that’s a red flag. What are the chances that all of them are crazy? It’s up to the individual how they react, so it’s possible they are all crazy regardless of what he might have done. However, recognize he might be talking you up to manipulate you to become the next crazy ex.
Something that just came to me rehashing that is another time this happened a year prior to that nonsense over the same person. A girl I was cool with, a mutual friend of a friend “came to me as a woman” or had me come to her room to talk as a woman. She pretty much told me she’d been messing with him and wanted to know the extent of my relationship with him. I spilled the beans. She basically said that was the confirmation she needed as to whether she would continue or not. She went on about herself a little and how he’s not someone she would bring home and she loves herself too much and so on. But one of the things she said I will never forget. She said at some point I would get over it and not want to deal with shenanigans anymore (which I knew at the time and would happen a year later) but that, “a plate is round so even though you’re the main dish on his plate you’ll still always be on the side of the sides.” I figure this is a good time to share a word with women who are dealing with this type of man. Step off the plate, girl. If you aren’t then at least don’t have his food touching. Let them fight over him.
I was at a different place then. In my short years of dating since high school, I’ve been through so much. There are only a few more things a man could do to me or put me through and I would prefer for those things to not happen. So I can proudly say that’s nothing like my current situation in the thing we call a love life. I’m trying to get married one day sooner than later. *wink wink to bae out there* I wanted to live and learn and man I have to be so young. The type of problems I’m okay with having are like long distance problems and forgetting our anniversary or something.
The best advice I got from my mom’s friend is to just enjoy people. Get to know them. Everyone doesn’t have to be your boyfriend. Be their friend first because you’ll hopefully end up having a good, uncomplicated time or the friendship foundation will mean so much more if things do get romantic. And don’t have sex with them, it only complicates things more. Have I taken all the advice? To the best of my abilities. What I can say I’m consistent on is keeping myself and men stress free. I’m not saying avoid those tough conversations and don’t call them out on any wrongdoing. I am saying don’t be out here fighting, crying, and doing crazy stuff just to stay and tolerate the same bs. And trust your intuition. If you start feeling like you have to mark your territory or let these hoes know (we see them subtweets boo) something ain’t right and you know it. He nachos. If you are going to put up with it or do you, put up with it or do you. Stop wasting your energy. I was graceful in my old situation because we weren’t together and I don’t fight to keep somebody who ain’t tryna be kept. I’m not in the business of forcing or finessing attention or love or a relationship. You can do whatever you want to do, but if it isn’t what you should be doing as my man then you simply won’t be my man. And by the time they’re ready to be kept I’ll be here for it or it’s too late.
Some time after my last straw, he asked if he could take me out on the date he owed me. Apparently he wanted to see where my head was at and figure out if he wanted to be with me or not. Jokes. Before we even went I already knew I was through. The conversation only confirmed it more. I essentially told him I deserved better and we remain friends today. I would like to say more, but I don’t want anybody coming to me as a woman ever again.
But it ain’t where he’s at its where he wanna be. And he’s gonna end up where he wants to be. So don’t trip, baby girl.